Reflecting on this day I realize that I have been Blessed beyond measure.
The last two months have been very stressful starting with my dad possibly having a stroke and ending up in the nursing home along with various other things that have been tugging on my spirit. For those people who have been around me they probably thought something was wrong with me because I have been distant but I just had a lot on my mind.
Even as a Christian, it gets hard to not stress on things happening in your life but as things began to unfold, I just continued to praise GOD as if everything was alright and he brought me through.
I struggle to figure out why some people think the way they do, then I come back to reality and realize that I am not supposed to figure it out but to let GOD work it out. I have 24 hour nursing for my son, he is special needs with cerebral palsy, and people think and have actually said that I don’t have to take care of him because of the nursing. What they fail to understand is the pressure of having a child with special needs and having someone around you 24/7. Yeah I might not have to feed him, change him and bath him but I do have to live with the fact that he can’t do what normal kids can do with their parents. They don’t know what it’s like to have to buy equipment and necessities for Emanuel stocked up for the nurses to use. The stress of dealing with medical issues that come up about insurance and fighting for funding to purchase equipment for him that the insurance won’t pay for because they say it is not medically necessary. Praying every night that I won’t get a knock on the bedroom door saying that he is sick or worst. Praising the LORD when I wake up the next morning and hear him in his room making loud sounds or laughing out loud.
So before you say that I have it made because I have nurses taking care of my child, think twice. Not only do I have to be physically able to endure this everyday but emotionally and mentally as well. When you see me out at different events and activities, I am trying to enjoy myself and support the other children that are playing only imagining what it would have been like for Eman to participate. But don’t feel sorry for me or my son because Emanuel is doing more than he was supposed to do according to man. I love the song Kirk Franklin wrote, “I Smile,” because I live that everyday. I even have people complain because I smile all the time but my smile just might lift someone spirit or brighten someones day so that will never stop or change.
GOD has blessed me more that I ever deserved so “I Smile even though I hurt because I know GOD is working.”
Today is Christmas and I received no physical gifts; really didn’t want anything but GOD gave me something that no one else could equal, he gave me another day to enjoy with my family and friends.
I hope that everyone had a MERRY CHRISTMAS and remember, “JESUS is the reason for the SEASON and every other SEASON that we have on this earth.